Acquisitions Inc. Kills a Goblin

During an exhausting encounter with a measly two goblins:

Mike: Jim is going to cast Magic Missile! So I get +2 because he's prone?

Chris: Not on a ranged attack. In fact, on a ranged attack, he is harder to hit because he's prone.

Mike: So I get a minus?

Chris: Yes, -2.

Jerry: You need to roll good.

Chris: He's less of a target when he's lying flat on his stomach.

(Mike rolls.)

Mike: 11 plus 4 is... 15.

Chris: That would normally hit him. Unfortunately, because he's prone, that misses.

Jerry: This is the worst party...

Scott: I set him up for you.

Mike: You guys actually, like, get together and do this for fun?

Scott: Yeah!

Chris: What you guys really need are two more members, and you'd be owning these guys. Uhh, so he stands up over there. What's he gonna do, what's he going to do...?

Jerry: Kill the entire party!

Mike: Apparently! We're not gonna leave this room!

Scott: I'm falling in pits. We're gettin' owned by two goblins.

Mike: And these are the stupid goblins they keep up here to guard the door!

Chris: He will stay where he is, and he will hurl a javelin at you.

Scott: Who's "you"?

Chris: He'll attack the cleric. He rolled a natural 1.

Scott: Awesome. Finally. A break.

Chris: And it is Binwin's turn.

Scott: Alright. I'm just gonna swing at him with my maul. And I'm obviously going to miss, with this natural 3.

Mike: We're a bunch of idiots!

Scott: When Kiko edits this together, have him put Yakety Sax to this encounter.

...

Jim: Alright. Jim is tired of this ****.

Scott: He better be.

Jim: Jim is takin' it to 11.

Jerry: To the next level?

Jim: To the next level.

Jerry: With Acid Arrow?

Mike: No! That's my daily power. Are we gonna take a nap after this? "Alright, guys, I'm spent."

Jerry: "I'm out. Let's go."

...

Scott: 16 vs. armor class.

Chris: That's a hit!

Scott: Alright.

Mike: Is this guy dead? Come on.

Scott: Hold on, yeah, I'm gonna 2d6+3 him.

(Scott rolls.)
Chris: Alright... You decapitate him.

Mike: Woooo!

(Mike claps.)

Jerry: With a maul, which is actually hard to do!

Chris: Yes.

Mike: Alright, now I see why you guys play this.

Jerry: We killed some goblins! We killed one goblin. And some rats.

Chris: You've killed one goblin.

Scott: Yay!